Glee - my word of the hour

So here goes. Change of focus is going to happen in my life and I am utterly determined for it to happen. At my church's Beth Moore event this past weekend, she spoke about the three major things that keep us from having total delight in our lives.
J- jealousy
A- anger
W- worry

After listening to her, it completely hit me. I am that angry person who holds stuff in with a bright "sunshine" face on the outside. I'll always tell you I'm "ok", "doing great", "everything's fine", when most likely, something is truly eating me on the inside. She said, "I'm sure someone or something has popped in to your mind when I've said all this." And sure enough, one very particular person did. I am soooooooooo completely angry at this person and I can never seem to let go of that anger. You would think after time, none of the stuff this person pulls would surprise me, but to this day, it still does... even 4 1/2 years later! How am I supposed to let go of the anger when this person continually upsets me? How do I not take this stuff personally when it affects a "child" of mine in every aspect of the word? I've been told many words of advice, I prayed my little heart off every single day, I take extremely careful notes... all in hopes that someday, the "anger" can go away and this "child" can be mine.

Maybe I just need to start venting the anger a bit more. Maybe I shouldn't let every little thing get to me. God is so faithful that I know He won't let this person be rewarded for their actions... of this I am sure. "Let go and let God," right? And I hold on to that for peace. Peace in my heart and mind, and confidence that someday, my husband and I will make the proper stand needed for complete happiness. Happiness this particular person will never ever EVER know. And THAT, my friends, make me glee! Yes, I said glee. :)

Explode + Me = Happy Ending

Am I allowed to vent on here?
Does it make any sense that the Internet is soooooo broad, that a search of my name could bring up any blog I've ever posted?
If not for free speech, blogs would not exist, but yet I still feel restricted as to what I can say.
And I can't even elaborate on why that is!!!

It's soooo darn frustrating that I feel heavy burdens and hurts in my heart, but can't say a damn thing because of "who" might read it.

One of these days, you'll probably see my blog explode. Explode into a complete mushpot of crazy thoughts and words that probably won't make any sense to the general public. But to me, it could be a HUGE weight lifted off my chest.

I need to get to the point where I don't care who reads what I say. I haven't been cruel in anything I've said (thus far) and don't intend to.

Someday... this ticking time bomb will go off.
The end.